Sunday, 10 September 2017

summer is over and I'm not sure how to feel about it

Summer is over and I don't know how to feel about it. Tomorrow I start sixth form and I do know how I feel about it. There's a weird divide in my life right now that is split between looking forward to learning and slight shock at how quickly twelve weeks of summer has gone. Last year I did an end of summer post, detailing what I did and didn't fulfill from my summer bucket list. Exams sequestered any time to write a summer bucket list this year, there wasn't anything that I particularly wanted to achieve other than more of a social life than I had during exams season.


2017 was possibly the best summer. Any expectations? There wasn't really any. When the end of exams came around I was faced with thinking that I would have twelve weeks sat cocooned in my room watching Netflix because I had zero social interaction when I was revising (something I would highly not recommend - I became a mental mess). There were nights even during exam season where I just wanted to cry because of how alone I thought I would be for the whole of summer. NCS was planned and so was my holiday to Italy but the other 6ish weeks? Well Netflix would become my best pal. It sounds so trivial to write but when you've battled with social issues for a good five years, the long summer of year 11 seems incredibly daunting.


And then summer happened. I'm not quite sure how but out of the wood works a new Eleanor appeared. Who knew that the absence of exams could result in a social flourishing? The first week of summer bought a heatwave, sat in the garden reading The Handmaid's Tale, a book that I have found out I'm studying for A Level English Lit, and a happiness that I hadn't felt in a hella long time. A beach day and brunch with friends, leading to a day out in Bath, trips out and prom. Taster day at college made me realize that I really wanted to do French, but I would only do it if I got the A I so desired. Sixth form doesn't seem so daunting, I thought, and suddenly I didn't think I'd miss secondary school quite so much.



Then, above everything I didn't expect to get a job this summer. Almost by accident I've stumbled into a Saturday job that I absolutely love and hope to continue in college, selling clothes at a market in a city near where I live. It's enough money to fund outings yet will not usurp me when revision for A levels rolls back around.


NCS was one of the best experiences of this summer, it was four weeks of adventure; meeting new people; new experiences; helping the community and a huge bunch of fun. I didn't expect to love it so much but I really did and I can't quite believe I managed to achieve so much. Also the weekends off meant that I could sew some new pieces for my summer wardrobe because I finally had time to be creative!!

Italy was so incredibly needed, after a non-stop seven weeks it was nice to truly relax and think about nothing. I read a lot, made some memories and it was so nice to spend time with my mum because the first weeks of summer was taken over with her working and me doing NCS. After meeting some incredible people, it's made me so motivated to work hard this year. It's so crazy how quickly things can change but in ten days I became the person that I want to continue being for the next year (let's hope).


Blogging took a bit of a back seat and whilst I haven't written as much as I wanted to, it showed me that I really needed to spend time living over writing posts but I'm sticking to a one post a week routine from now on so that shouldn't be too arduous. Blogging is a hobby but I've worked with some great brands over the summer and I really would feel lost if I didn't pour my
feelings on the internet.


Elation. Happiness. Relief. Were the feelings that I felt on results day. The revision paid off and I'm going to sixth form feeling confident that I can revise well and I do have the power to do great things with my education - I just need to believe in myself a little more.

A few more outings, parties, books read and that takes us to the present. The anticipation of a new school year. After the best summer ever I know that the jolt into learning will be a little bigger than normal but I'm ready for what sixth form has to offer; I feel better than I ever had before and as much as I know this balloon of happiness with be deflated by the pin of learning - I want to try and keep it in the air for as long as possible. Now you probably didn't really miss all the Eleanor metaphors this summer did you?

Back to school goals? I have only one. To be able to balance a social life and school work because I let it slip a little during exams and as a result became a mess. Do you have any goals this academic year? I always try a set a few because of motivation and all but I think a balance are all the goals I need to achieve, I hope this new Eleanor stays for a little while longer. Here is to the year I make the most of my education, to learning, to new friends and to reminiscing of a summer well spent.

To all of you starting a new school year I wish you the best of luck, like I was told on hols 'today is the first day of the rest of your life' so make it count.

lots of love, eleanor xx

ps. I hope you like the film photos!
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8 comments

  1. glad you've had such a fab summer, I know the fear of an empty 12 weeks all too well-but it generally ends up being action packed and so fun! I would say don't worry about a-levels (because truly you'll be fine) but they'll definitely be a shock as they're so very different from GCSE-better in every single way though, I swear (you feel like you are properly learning and getting to the depths of things you love). A-level english lit really is the best, esp if you love the books you study because man it can get so so exciting. BEST OF LUCK-you'll be fine (if I survived, you can (definitely didnt feel like I would hahah) X
    http://kaatielouu.blogspot.co.uk

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    1. Thank you! Yeah I really didn't expect it to be just this good. Yeah I adore the books that I'm studying so that's so great. I related to your posts so much so I'm hoping your a-level advice will get me through the two years :) x

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  2. Love the film photos! Honestly, the first year of sixth form was hands-down my best school year ever. I had the time of my life. Upper sixth seems to be pretty work heavy already, so I'm with you on the balancing act of work, a blog, and a social life! Best of luck xx

    LEXI LIKES

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    1. Thanks Lexi!! Year 11 was probably the best for me so I can't wait to see what sixth form will entail! I wish you the best of luck as well xx

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  3. Film photos are my favourite things to see in posts, it feels so much more personal- I need to stop procrastinating and get mine developed. First year of sixth form is all about settling in and finding yourself (sounds so cliche but it's true) It's going to be hard but not impossible, just remember that! A good summer is always fab as it gives you something to reminisce on when the school year gets tough so it's great that you made the most of your 12 weeks. GOOD LUCK, you can do it <3

    Dalal // monochromedaisies.blogspot.com

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  4. Glad you've had such an amazing summer and I hope sixth form is good to you! I loved this post, and although I've been trying to stay on top of your posts this summer, I enjoyed reading a summary of it. I would also like to thank you for being such a promoter for thrift shopping and secondhand clothes - you're younger than me, but your blog is one of the two that I still read because it motivates me to think more about where my clothes are coming from. All your talk about sewing your own clothes also inspires me to get back into that, as I used to do so much of it. Thank you!

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  5. This is an amazing post! I really enjoyed reading this, plus your blog is very inspiring. Great job.

    Vanessa | jtltblog.wordpress.com

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  6. What a great summer you had, but yes it is hard going back however, setting goals academically is one way like you said to motivate and get back into the mindset!
    www.lottiegibbons.com

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