Wednesday, 19 April 2017

dealing with your own self criticism

It's not going to come as a new fact to you that we are our biggest self critic, thrust into a world that requires nothing less than the perfectly imperfect. A society based on ideals of what or who people should be and become, from a very early age we are taught what is right and what is wrong, what is good and what is bad. Yet through this, the niggling self doubt and self criticism of one's own work and body can form - especially when it doesn't conform to what other people expect and or want it to be. Self criticism ain't gonna go completely because it's innate in all of us and this post isn't going to solve that; but it might help to reduce those feelings.


Focus on really trying to understand and "get" where your self-criticism is coming from. I don't mean to say that you agree with the self-criticism, but rather that you work to understand how you arrived at it. Yet, although others may not say anything or are blissfully unaware of one’s own inadequacies sometimes thoughts of your own issues and ‘faults’ can fester into a whole other realm of worry. The medium of blogging, YouTube and the internet opens up for a very large portion of life that is controlled by other peoples and with that comes criticism. Yes, it may be from others but is the criticism that comes from within that can do the most damage, the thoughts about the things you’ve done (or not done) are those that are most likely to amalgamate in your brain - only to resurface on a bad day.



Your life doesn’t have to be documented online and whilst there is a huge pressure on young people to post online enhanced images of daily life, it can be a good thing. The use of technology, whilst not for the use of your own enjoyment (ah the hours that can be spent binge watching Netflix series) can be a very informative place. Although the subject of ‘fake news’ seems to be circulating the media recently, at the your fingertips you have so much information accessible to you. Taking a step back and disconnecting with technology you can see the positives that have resulted from social media and the devices we take for granted. Yes, the internet can be the cause of self criticism but it can also be the cure. You don’t have to live your life online and you shouldn’t feel the need to constantly update others on your whereabouts; exposing yourself to the world that is behind a screen.


Upload, delete. Upload, delete. The constant cycle of an instagram feed that isn’t quite perfect but it isn’t perfect for you. A photo that you have studied for too long, the lines on your forehead forming only in your mind. Get back to basics and appreciate what social media once was, a place to share memories and forget that anyone is watching - a mantra I feel that we should all follow.



Reflect on why you are criticising yourself. Who you are, who you want to be.Try to understand why certain things make you feel certain ways and that criticism of yourself may not just string from you but your surroundings. Reflect on who you are in this moment. Reflect on your favorite and least favorite parts of yourself. Talk yourself through everything at that moment. There are a few simple steps in how to combat this self criticism:

  • Self critical thought: that girl did so much better in a test compared to me, and (as always) she talked about over and over again. (Just a disclaimer this is an example I am imagining this situation for explanation purposes pleasseeee do not take offence).
  • Consequences  (feelings & behaviors): I feel angry with myself and want to withdraw from the world. When I revise, all I can do is think about how bad I am at it, which makes me do worse and worse in the test.
  • Rational Response: It makes sense that she would be better than me at this because she revises a lot more and perhaps in a way that is more effective than I do. But that does not mean that I'm not good. I will get better the more I practice. And, even if I never get to the level she is, I can still enjoy doing x subject. Also, there is much more to my life than x subject. For example, I'm really creative, which something I feel good about. 
By following this small exercise you can change your mindset and outlook on a particular thing, especially if the consequence is affecting how you function. Granted, it may not work for everyone but I used to do it a lot and it hella does help (speaking from personal experience here guys). 


Be okay with who you are at and in this moment, even if it not who you want to be eventually. Just recognize your current self as a starting point or a transition point. You can’t snap your fingers and wake up a new person - it takes time, patience, and persistence. Just because you are not at your ideal self yet does not merit you a failure and it is important to understand that.


Dealing with your own self doubt and criticism is hard but it is doable and there are ways that you can stop it from getting too much. Self criticism is normal and okay and it’s okay to have days where you don’t feel the best and sometimes you can just feel ‘okay’. It’s about accepting you for yourself and your flaws and that you should be confident in your own knowledge that it is okay to make mistakes. Be confident in the way that you are as we are the curators of our own future, you shouldn’t let past experiences be detrimental to that.

Are there any ways that you deal with your own self criticism? Share in the comments as you might be able to help other people, share the love.

lots of love... eleanor //
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14 comments

  1. I needed this today. And I love your writing style. I tend to try and take a step back and look at the bigger picture, I am alive, breathing and an imperfect human bean trying to do the best I can, I think that can help a lot!

    Marbl☾☽Moon

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    1. Thank you so much, that means a lot :) just taking a second in that moment to take a step back and appreciate what you have and where you are can make a big difference x

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  2. This is something I definitely need to improve on. Great post and some excellent tips!

    Terri / www.territalks.co.uk

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  3. Something I need to work on! some really informative tips you've given :)

    olivia / www.describingolivia.com

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    1. I think we all do, I hope they've helped :)

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  4. I guess the way you see yourself and self-criticize depends on how you grew up and on your self confidence. also on your environment and what happens around you. when things are not working out, even if it's not your fault, you start to doubt yourself so much it is hard to get back on track. Which is when you need to be surrounded by loving and positive people. I love reading your post. Great tips! xx corinne

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    1. Totally, who you are with definitely inflicts how you see yourself as a person xx

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  5. This is such a good post and definitely I need to learn more of! I love your photos too! Abi | RamblingsofaBlonde

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  6. Really insightful post - I try my absolute hardest not to compare myself to others, because thats what makes me feel worse in myself and I start to question what I look like, what I'm doing with my life etc.

    Lucy | Forever September

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    1. Thanks Lucy, comparing yourself to others can be really detrimental to your own progression as you can almost end up trying to copy what they are doing x

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  7. Lovely post, really needed it ❤ x
    simplllyme.blogpost.com

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    1. Thank you so much <3 sending my love x

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