Friday, 10 March 2017

the trouble with today

The trouble with today is that it's too long, or not long enough. Or that even in the present we are all too focused on the future, or the past. When these 4:00am thoughts hit you in the middle of the day, yup that's when you've hit a brick in the road. (the art on the left is inspired by Rookie mag, a fabulous website if you are not yet aware of it).

I was listening to Pandora Sykes and Dolly Alderton's new podcast the The High Low (it is incredibly well put together and worth listening to) and they were discussing that this is an age where millennials are faced with more opinion than fact, where 'fake news' is ever prominent in the media thanks to Trump. Slightly unrelated to their podcast but the fact is that change is inevitable but it is what do with that change, mould it to fit to your life and vision for the future that is your opinion and for you to take what you mean from the fact that is 'change' is different for everyone.
A point in life where everything is just layer upon layer of lugubrious fear for the future as you live (or just function) in the present day. Well isn't that a way to wish your life away? In a period of my teenage life where I'm faced with either growing up or to remain in a perpetual childhood, unable to adult for the repercussions of my decisions no longer affect just me but the people around me, the past seems like a very comfortable place to live in. Because every decision that I will make from this point will affect my mental state, future and change is inevitable whether I like it or not. 

You can choose to ignore the inevitable but eventually it will catch up with you, or you can make everyday count and do what you love with the people that make you the happiest because life isn't worth spent chasing people who don't make you truly happy. And it isn't worth regretting letting the people you truly love slip away. Living in the future and thinking about the future with goals is even better but not if it depreciates the value of the present.

After ten years, I'm stopping dance. Wow that feels weird to write. I think I was holding onto it because it used to make me feel so indescribably happy, I used to forget about everything and just become a puppet of the music, letting it take me anywhere and everywhere. But lately *quote the 1975* I've had a change of heart. Every move I make is shadowed by the thought of anything but the thing I'm doing, only grasping on to the time were dancing used to be the best time of the day, the part of the weekend in which I could forget about the lives that were being played out around me.

I presume that, like myself, a lot of people have become consumed in thinking that even if something once made you happy, it always will. And that's simply not the case.

[ Our mind is a cave,
and love a torch,
To light up the empty spaces,
to see the stressed out faces,
to cry at the memories you've created.
But the battery will run out,
Blanketing the mind in obscurity.

You didn't realise the batteries were rechargeable,
because you failed to look
as you replayed the things you couldn't change
and ignored the thing you could.   EC ]

The above poem, written by yours truly, sums up this post in just a few lines, the past can be detrimental to someone's life. Delineating the map that is the future seems to be impossibly complicated yet if you just follow the things that make your smile a little bit bigger then I think the map gets a little bit easier to navigate (or easier to work out the path you're trying to find maybe). 

I will most probably look back at this post and regret what I wrote, written in a period of teenage angst I think the unequivocal feeling is that if there's doubt in your mind don't do it. In the pursuit of happiness one can make reckless decisions yet those reckless decisions may have the power to make something beautiful. Whether this post is a thing of artistic genius or mediocre thoughts expressed through words on the internet I'm not quite sure but I can tell you that if you want to do something that you're crippling afraid of - that might be a good thing.  

The trouble with today is that there isn't long enough. To do the things we want to do and achieve. In 24 hours we need to sleep, eat, function, stress about the future and overthink the past. In 24 hours we have enough time to do all the above minus the last two points because if you overthink the past and the future the present evaporates. The trouble with today is that we don't live in it, our head somewhere else. I mention dance, why? Because I spent too long hating the thought of never doing dance that I never realised until now that I didn't truly love it anymore. I urge you to read this post and know that if you're not happy now then something should change because you have the power to do so.

Lots of love, eleanor //

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6 comments

  1. Omg Eleanor I loved this post! That last paragraph was so true and I totally understand what you mean! I'm so glad you wrote this, especially at this crucial time for us in year 11, it's all so true because all I am doing is living for the future and I need to pay more attention to my surroundings and LIVE!
    Amazing post 😘

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    1. Thank you so much! It is a weird time in our lives because we're so inbetween everything but thinking about the future + past really can forget you living in the now :)

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  2. Such a great post! I totally agree with the whole not having enough time thing because there so much I want to do but never enough time! x

    www.indistilling.wordpress.com

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  3. This was a lovely read and was eye-openingly reflective for me. It made me look back at the past couple of months and be thankful for the fact I let certain things or people go who i thought I couldn't live without but in fact it was quite the opposite.
    Elen x
    blackcoffeebreakfast.wordpress.com

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    1. Wow thank you so much, it is definitely eye opening when you realise that things and people aren't always irreplaceable x

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